Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mom said you looked used
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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