So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
