I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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