How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
