do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
