Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
