...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
