living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
