I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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