i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
