i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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