I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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