im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
