i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just invented taco cereal.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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