yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
