I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dicks are not precious.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
