o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
