I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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