I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
