But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
