After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
