I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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