yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
