I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
