Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
