Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
