DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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