Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
