Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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