He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
