I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
