dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have demons in me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
