my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
