are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
