and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think your dad took our porno
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
