My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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