We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
