That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
