her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
