I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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