It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
