i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He keeps bees of course he's weird
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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