When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
