so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
His nipple licking is glorious
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