My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
