he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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