I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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