I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
