He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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