if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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