Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
