I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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