I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
