I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
