I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
