I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
