I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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