I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
